Louis CK (American accent, low difficulty) full transcript

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Back then, yeah.

 

Those were simpler times, I think. I just feel like we may be going back to that, by the way. But... In a way, good, because when I read things like "The Foundations of Capitalism are Shattering" I'm like, "Maybe we need that." Maybe we need some time where we're walking around with a donkey with pots clinging on the sides.

 

[laughter]

 

You think that would just bring us back to reality?

 

Yeah, because everything is amazing right now and nobody's happy. Like, in my lifetime, the changes in the world have been incredible. When I was a kid we had a rotary phone. We had a phone that you had to stand next to, and you had to dial it.

 

Yes.

 

Do you realize how primitive... You're making sparks...

 

[laughter]

 

In a phone, and you actually would hate people with zeros in their numbers 'cause it was more, "Oh, this guy's got two zeros. Screw that guy. Why do I wanna... Ugh."

 

[laughter]

 

And then if they called and you weren't home, the phone would just ring lonely by itself. And then if you wanted money, you had to go in the bank for, when it was open for like three hours, and then stand in line write yourself a check like an idiot. And then when you ran out of money you'd just go, "Well, I can't do anymore things now.".

 

[laughter]

 

Right.

 

I can't do any more things.

 

That's it. Yeah.

 

That was it, and even if you had a credit card, the guy would go "Ugh," and he'd bring out this whole "sunk, shunkety right." You'd have to call the President to see if you have any money and be put on a long hold.

 

[laughter]

 

It's all true, kids. You had to call the President. Yeah. It was ridiculous.

 

Yes.

 

Do you feel that we now in the 21st century, we take technology for granted?

 

Well yeah, 'cause now we live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on the crappiest generation of just spoiled idiots that don't care. Because this is what people are like now. They got their phone like, "Ugh, it won't." Give it a second!

 

[laughter]

 

It's going to space.

 

[laughter]

 

Can you give it a second to get back from space? Is the speed of light too slow for you?

 

[applause]

 

It's true. It's true.

 

[applause]

 

I was on an airplane and there was internet, high speed internet on the airplane. That's the newest thing that I know exists. And I'm sitting on the plane and they go, "Open up your laptop, you can go on the internet." It's fast, and I'm watching YouTube clips. I'm in an airplane. And then it breaks down, then they apologize the internet is not working. The guy next to me goes, "Pfft, this is bull ____."

 

[laughter]

 

Like, how quickly the world owes him something.

 

Yes.

 

[laughter]

 

He knew it existed only ten seconds ago.

 

[laughter]

 

Right. Right.

 

And on plane...

 

[applause]

 

Flying is the worst one, because people come back from flights and they tell you their story. And it's like a horror story. It's... They act like their flight was like a cattle car in 40s in Germany. That's how bad they make it sound.

 

Right.

 

They're like, "It was the worst day of my life." First of all, we didn't board for 20 minutes and then we get on the plane and they made us sit there, on the runway, for 40 minutes, we had to sit there. "Oh really? What happened next? Did you fly through the air incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight, you non-contributing zero?"

 

[chuckle]

 

You're flying! It's amazing.

 

[laughter]

 

Everybody on every plane should just constantly be going, "Oh, my god! Wow!"

 

Yes!

 

[laughter]

 

You're flying. You're sitting in a chair in the sky.

 

Yes. Yeah.

 

[laughter]

 

[applause]

 

Now... Now really... But it doesn't, it doesn't go back a lot.

 

[laughter]

 

And the chair is really... Here's the thing. People, like they say, there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours. That used to take 30 years to do that, and then a bunch of you would die there on the way there and have a baby. You'd be with a whole different group of people by the time you got there.

 

[laughter]

 

Now you watch a movie and you take a dump and you're home.

 

[laughter]

 

Yeah.

 

[laughter]

 

Well, there's a nicer way to say it than that, but yeah, isn't it...

 

No.